Do You Know Someone Who Drinks Too Much?

For today's edition of Apple Blogging Jeans, I am simply copying and pasting an email I received today. It seems my entire group of friends is suffering from an outbreak of some terribly retched respiratory bug. Therefore, it became necessary today for a field trip to the doctor's office. Since I was 1.) not sick and 2.) hard at work (wink, wink), I did not go. What follows, however, is a first-hand account of the things that happened today in the urgent care facility.

Tee hee.

#1. Vivienne and I arrive at the Duke's Urgent Care center and are banished to the waiting room immediately, where we notice this very-novice looking poster on the wall, demonstrating the stellar "teamwork in action", as expressed via cheesy little Excel spreadsheet graphs, using the default line graph. These posters are an attempt to illustrate the great amount of teamwork. However, Vivienne noticed that while their statisfaction was rated "high" in the last month, the previous month had taken a huge digger in the area of satisfaction.

#2. Vivienne and I are escorted to the traige area, where Vivienne barely is able to squeak out her own name.

Nurse: "Wow, you don't sound very good!"

Vivienne (shaking her head) says: "I'm fine"

Nurse: "Well, either you don't sound fine, or you're just shy".

Cue Flex laughing hysterically at the suggestion of Vivienne's bashfulness.

#3. While still with the nurse.......

Nurse: "Any tobacco use?"

Vivienne: "no"

Nurse: "Alcohol?"

Vivienne.......unresponsive.

Vivienne: "Well, I mean, I'm a social drinker -you know, weekends and stuff"

Nurse: "So, would you say 1...? 2?"

Vivienne: "Per day?"

Nurse: "Per week...."

Vivienne:.......unresponsive.

Nurse: "3? 4, maybe?"

Vivienne: (matter of factly): "um, I'd say 8 to 10"

Nurse (nods, in disbelief and types it into the computer)

Vivienne: (in sheer defense of this point, hand gestures included): "But that includes weekends too!"

I lost it guys. I completely lost it and could not recover from that point on.

After the nurse leaves Vivienne says to me "Well, I mean, seriously. What do you expect from a 25 year old who drinks from the bottle in a fort?? We drink from the bottle! How am I supposed to know how many drinks that is?!"