Often, I peruse the interwebs for interesting tidbits, and I had been directed to a website called "RADAR" by a friend. Apparently, this website contains all sorts of interesting items for internet reading pleasure... and boasts it is the guru on all things "Pop, Politics, Scandal and Style". Sounds like a pretty solid place to get my read on.
So, here's what I found. And this list... well, this list requires commentary I can't give right now. But trust me, the commentary will come. Soon.
Why are you still single? Possibly because you...
1. Call Grey's Anatomy simply "Grey's"
2.Have entertained the notion that "the Axe Effect" is real
3.Own tie-dyed gym clothes
4. Purchased your dining room set with Marlboro Miles
5. Are only gay when you're drunk
6. Have written poetry inside a Starbucks
7. Wink in a rakish manner each time you tell a joke
8. Have a ferret on your shoulder
9. Call sex "the squishy squish"
10. Are Courtney Love
11. Hug amusement park mascots
12. Address acquaintances as "guy"
13. Use emoticons in handwritten letters
14. Own a "It's Not Going to Suck Itself" T-shirt
15. Initiate line dances
16. Have only one pickup line: "Why the long face?"
17. Posed shirtless for your MySpace page
18. Can't stop missing Anna Nicole
19. Scream out Wheel of Fortune answers
20. Call your therapist from work on speakerphone
21. Won't travel anywhere out of "blading distance"
22. Sleep on WWF sheets
23. Begin stories with, "I'm not a stalker, but ..."
24. Snack on Bac-Os
25. Know someone who knows someone who knows the Geico caveman
26. Flash devil horns in wedding photos
27. Eat with one arm guarding your plate
28. Refer to your PDA as a "Crackberry"
29. Have a dartboard in your kitchen
30. Own a calendar featuring babies dressed as cowboys
31. Call October "Rocktober"
32. Keep a dream journal
33. Own slot-machine gloves
34. Are the president of a fan club
35. Weave and distribute friendship bracelets
36. Have a "lucky" garter hanging from your rearview mirror
37. Prefer the "fist bump" when meeting strangers and always insist they "lock it in"
38. Refuse to remove your Bluetooth earpiece during sex
39. Take off work each year to celebrate Cinco de Mayo; are Irish
40. Have a disturbingly high thetan count
41. Display your framed degree from bartending school
42. Have been edited out of several Girls Gone Wild videos
43. Converse with angels
44. Refer to Target as "Tar-Jay"
45. Have ever said: "That's sooo Sagittarius"
46. Feel most comfortable in Tevas and jorts
47. Have a five o'clock shadow, on your ass
48. Wear a "No Spin Zone" windbreaker
49. Cry when you listen to Belle and Sebastian, then, still tearful, blog about it
50. Use an electronic device to smoke pot
51. Call underwear "panties"
52. Have more than zero stuffed animals on your bed
53. Live by two sartorial rules: pleated, stonewashed
54. Display samurai swords in your office
55. Think the energy crisis can be solved with crystals
56. Have ever dressed up as a penis or tampon for Halloween
57. Own a 60-inch flat-screen plasma television but sleep on a broken futon
58. Have taken more than one cell phone picture of your genitals
59. Close all correspondence with "Prayerfully Yours"
60. Consider Maroon 5 sort of "your group"
61. TiVo'd the entire run of Criss Angel Mindfreak
62. Use the word "scrumptious"
63. Have a Tasmanian Devil "tramp stamp"
64. List "Dungeon Master" on your business card
65. Carry an All Things Considered tote bag
66. Wouldn't be the person you are today without Mitch Albom's Tuesdays with Morrie
67. Subscribe to any massive multiplayer online gaming experience
68. Take advantage of the eight-at-a-time Netflix option
69. Have a rhyming nickname
70. Sold your forehead to goldenpalace.com
71. Have a "LaRouche '08" bumper sticker
72. Have taken a course on improving your oral sex technique
73. Will do anything for "shits and giggles"
74. Collect throwing stars
75. Have a bedside stack of Sudoku books
76. Can only make love to the Mighty Mighty Bosstones
77. Are infamous among your coworkers for your dead-on Baba Booey impression
78. Own all 24 volumes of Now That's What I Call Music!
79. Are O.J. Simpson
80. Have a screensaver of you posing with your Frisbee golf bros
81. Refuse to drink any beer that hasn't been "beechwood aged"
82. Have cellulite on your face
83. Refer to yourself as a "vagitarian"
84. Have a Web shrine devoted to a long- deceased pet
85. Consider riddles a great way to break the ice
86. Purchase meals solely for their tie-in products
87. Get visibly angry during Apple vs. PC debates
88. Are known among your girlfriends as "Heavy Flow"
89. Feel you've found the deeper meaning behind Meatloaf's "Paradise by the Dashboard Light"
90. Own all the Matrix novelizations
91. Raise iguanas
92. Posted your profile on Sean Hannity's "Hannidate"; are black
93. Have a "Peeing Calvin" decal on your hatchback
94. Work at Radar
95. Are learning to play the bagpipes
96. Don't like Insane Clown Posse's music per se, but think their philosophy is sound
97. Phone in long-distance radio dedications
98. Posted a Craigslist "Missed Connections" ad to find the kid who groped you on the subway
99. Believe the mouth is self-cleaning
100. Have had something on your face since the late '90s
Posts
2 comments:
101. Have posted all 100 reasons! Just jokin' ya, as Wade used to say... but damn that's a long list and I am guilty of more than one of them, which is making me question my assuredness, which makes me question my relevance, which makes me question... what I'm doing awake at 11:30 p.m. And other stuff. Anywho (is #102 "saying 'anywho?'", I always enjoy your blog and love you much. "Deeee ennnnnn," as Ave says.
Okay, so I think you may have officially inspired me to give the blogging world a try. I might start that tonight, though it will undoubtedly be less funny than yours.
Anywho, I'm awaiting the commentary on your list here, because I certainly have some commentary of my own (and I'm married). I'll go with the short list:
#26 - I actually started a story yesterday with, "I'm not a stalker, but..." Ooops. I prefer to think of myself as "in the know" or "well informed."
#31 - Rocktober. I don't know why I've never thought of that. October is often our heaviest concert month. I am going to start calling it Rocktober. I might even make a Happy Rocktober card and send it to you. :)
#78 - Holy. Crap. There are HOW MANY "Now that's what I call music" CDs?!? Freaks.
That's all (for now).
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